Saturday, February 12, 2005

Gizoolge my Bitches!

OK... I just discovered Gizoogle.com. It translates the shizzile out of any web page. Take for instance this review of the Miramax film Chocolat(2000)

Chocolat

**** out of ****

Chocolat gives new meaning to one of my favorite film phrases… eye candy. As the title would suggest it is a very sweet film, and not only for the gobs and gobs of luscious, mouthwatering, little morsels. There are parts of the film that look like they could belong to a particularly delectable episode of `Martha Stewart Living', but if you can get past the pangs of hunger it will certainly inflict, you will find there is a lot more to this seemingly charming and simple story.

The film plays in the style of all whimsical children's fairy tales, while at the same time blending in a series of very serious adult themes. It chronicles the exploits of single mother Vianne Rocher, played as usual to a wonderful effect by Juliette Binoche, and her sugary but confused 6-year-old daughter Anouk (Victoire Thivisol), who blow in on a forceful winter wind to the small rural French town of Lansquenet-sous-Tannes. There they open a small chocolate shop. Now this seems innocent enough but the people of the town have different views. For one the shop has been opened at the very unwelcomed time of Lent (a religious fast), during which new temptations certainly aren't invited. Secondly the town's new residents refuse to attend the Sunday morning worship service. Vianne soon finds herself to be the center of the town gossip and distaste, led by the mayor (Alfred Molina). The battle heats up between allegedly pagan Vianne, and the highly conservative, stuffed-shirt townspeople. At start it seems the Rochers are losing, but the fight soon turns as the townsfolk begin to discover the mouth-melting effects of Vianne's wonderful taste-teasing treats.

Misadventure after misadventure occur as the couple come in contact with a wide array of colorful characters (just when you think he must be an extra in comes Johnny Depp), solving their problems while at the same time selling their chocolates. The moral is left fairly open, and can be interpreted in many ways. My personal views are these: That to be good and righteous, doesn't mean you can't be different, you should accept everyone, not necessarily for who they are, but for what they are, human beings. Everyone deserves a proper chance. In the end all characters realize the error of their ways and live together happily and harmoniously.

Chocolat has opened to mixed reviews. Some critics find it to be overly simple, but I think that it is the movie's simplicity that drives it to become so charmingly enthralling. Granted at times it does become at bit silly, but it all ends to a good warm effect. Apparently the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences share my views as the film was nominated for five academy awards, Best Picture, Best Actress (Binoche), Best Supporting Actress (Judi Dench), Best Adapted Screenplay, and Best Original Score.

Chocolat is a mouthwatering piece of movie magic. Definitely worth a look! It has it's flaws but they are easily covered up by it's great performances (particularly by Binoche), beautiful scenery, giddy musical score, and delightful story. Oh,… and those wonderful chocolates.


This is the same review in Gangsta.

Chocolat

**** out of ****

Chocolat gives new mean'n ta one of mah favorite film phrases… eye candy. As tha title would suggest it is a very sweet film, n not only fo' tha gobs n gobs of luscious, frontin' shawty morsels . Boom bam as I step in the jam, God damn. There is parts of tha fizzay that look like they could belong ta a particularly delectable episode of `Martha Stewart Dippin' but if you can git past tha pangs of pusha it W-to-tha-izzill certainly inflict, you wizzle find there is a lot more ta this seemingly charm'n n simple story.

The fizzle plays in tha style of all whimsical children's fairy tales, while at tha same time bustin' in a series of very serious adult themes gangsta style. It chronicles tha exploits of single cracka Vianne Gangsta played as usual ta a wonderful effect by Juliette Binoche, n her sugary but confused 6-year-old daughta Anouk (Victoire Thivisol), who bizzle in on a forceful winta wind ta tha small rural French ghetto of Lansquenet-sizzles. There they open a small chocolate shop and cant no hood fuck with death rizzow. Now this seems innocent enough but tha thugz of tha ghetto have different views . Nigga get shut up or get wet up. For one tha shop has bizzle opened at tha very unwelcomed time of Lent (a religious fast), dur'n which new temptations certainly aren't invited. Secondly tha town's new residents refuse ta attend tha Sunday doggy stylin' worship service . Death row 187 4 life. Vianne soon finds herself ta be tha pimp of tha ghetto gossip n distaste, led by tha mayor (Alfred Molina). The battle heats up between allegedly pagan Vianne, n tha highly conservatizzles shiznited-shirt townspeople . Dogg House Records in the motha fuckin house. At stizzart it seems tha Rocha is rhymin' but tha fight soon turns as tha townsfolk begin ta gangsta tha doggy stylin' effects of Vianne's wonderful taste-teas'n treats yaba daba dizzle.

Misadventure shot calla misadventure occur as tha couple come in contact wit a wide array of colorful playa (-J-to-tha-izzust whizzay you think he must be an extra in comes Johnny Depp), solv'n they problems while at tha same tizzy sell'n they chocolizzles in tha mutha fuckin club. The moral is left fairly open, n can be interpreted in many ways where the sun be shinin and I be rhymin'. My personal views is these: Thizzat ta be good n righteous, doesn't mizzle you ciznan't be different, you should accept everyone, not necessarily fo' who they are, but fo' W-H-to-tha-izzat they are, human spendin'. Everyone deserves a motherfucka chance in tha dogg pound. In tha end all characta realize tha error of they ways n live gangsta happily n harmoniously wit da big Bo$$ Dogg.

Chocolat has opened ta mixed reviews. Some critics find it ta be overly simple, but I think that it is tha movie's simplicity tizzy drives it ta become so charmingly spendin'. Granted at times it does become at bit silly, but it all ends ta a good wiznarm effect. Apparently tha Academy of Motion Picture Arts n Sciences share mah views as tha film was nominated fo' five academy awards, Bizzy Picture, Bizzay Actress (Binoche), Bizzy Hatin' Actress (Judi Dench), Bizzle Adapted Screenplay, n Bizzay Original Score.

Chocolat is a hatin' piece of movie magic. Def wiznorth a look cuz Im tha Double O G! It has it's flaws but they is easily covered up by it's bootylicious performizzles (particularly by Binoche), beautiful scenery, G-I-Double-Dizzy musical score, n delightful story. Oh,… n those wonderful chocolizzles.


Get to Gizoogling.

-The Oklahoma Hippy

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