Wednesday, November 14, 2007

It happens in slow motion...

The truth is I have been watching my mother die for a year now. It's excruciating and tragic and awful.

Once of a true singularity of emotional destruction, she is now diminished. Her body is giving out on her, the fight in her all gone.

She often made everyone around her so angry, hurt, and confused. She lived a loss of depression and sadness, and created chaos to have a sense of control.

Often petty childish, she drove many people away. There are only a few of us left.

And now it's almost over. Days, maybe weeks. No more.

She's ready to go. I'm ready to let go. Extending her life with aggressive treatment only seems cruel. Give her comfort, let her rest.

And soon, I will reach the moment that I have been inching towards for nearly 29 years. She will be gone. I will have done everything possible to maintain a relationship with her... to love her in spite of her.

She will be gone soon, and I will be here. I will have done something that others could not do...

...I will have survived her.

-The Hippy

8 comments:

  1. Wow Ryan, I'm so sorry. My best wishes to your and your family.

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  2. Just reading this, and thinking your mom sounds a lot like mine. Sorry.

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  3. I am so sorry to hear this...wishing you a lot of peace.

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  4. I just stumbled here from an obscure link, but I followed it because I used to live in NC as a Phish fan and a damn Yankee as well.

    Peace to you and yours. And good work, too--

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  5. I just stumbled here from an obscure link, but I followed it because I used to live in NC as a Phish fan and a damn Yankee as well.

    Peace to you and yours. And good work, too--

    ReplyDelete
  6. I just stumbled here from an obscure link, but I followed it because I used to live in NC as a Phish fan and a damn Yankee as well.

    Peace to you and yours. And good work, too--

    ReplyDelete
  7. I just stumbled here from an obscure link, but I followed it because I used to live in NC as a Phish fan and a damn Yankee as well.

    Peace to you and yours. And good work, too--

    ReplyDelete
  8. hey...Friend, i know how you feel...on a smaller scale...losing parents is inevitable, and to lose them slowly is pure hell.

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